It has been two long years, I still can't believe everything that has happened.  I really need some one to help me. I am getting weaker as the days go by.   Dialysis is taking its toll on my body and faith.

    I pray God will grant me the strength to carry on and sends me a special person to save my life.

I am not sure what to say about myself.

I am 34 years old, graduated from Fredonia State in 2001, spent most of my life as a stay at home mom. Started working for Goya Foods in 2002. I have a beautiful daughter named Anna. Anna is the love of my life; she has bought me so much joy and love.

In September I was told I had kidney failure, it was a complete shock, and I started dialysis the next day. My brother and sister were tested but are not able to donate. As you can image, this has not been an easy time for my family, especially my mother. She was in tears at the hospital.

I remember her saying she can’t bear to lose one of her babies. My father died when I was two, she took his death very hard and has truly never recovered. For me it’s not my pain that hurts me, it’s their pain. I hear my daughter crying at night. Sometimes she can’t even look at me without tearing up. I spent my life protecting her from pain and now I’m the cause; my heart is breaking into a million pieces.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I am scared of what the future holds for me. I have lost my life and my freedom. It’s hard to explain to someone who has not gone through this.

Who am I, I don’t know! I am mother, a daughter, and sister, and a friend. I am nothing special; I work hard and try to live a good life. I feel so alone at times, I have all these emotions inside of me and nothing makes sense.

I’ve asked myself why me? I think this is test of my strength and my determination. Everyone tells me, God only gives you as much as you can take, I hope this is true. I am not sure how much more I can take. There are days I feel like I’m going crazy.

I want to be normal again.